this may be my last post for an indeterminate amount of time as my source of computer-usage is being eliminated. I am going to be living alone once more. I have a job. today I have worked my first double-shift in two years. my legs and body and feet are killing me. I stuffed a [...]
full-circle. 360 degrees. “my life in cinemascope.” lately I have felt like I am in a hot air balloon watching my life in all it’s confusion and glorious intentions. drinking coffee, I think I can make it through my mountain of endlessness today. lately it’s been a full scale panorama; my life and everything in [...]
I don’t underdstand. a yelling, screaming, churlish grandparent is currently outside my “abode” yelling, screaming and being churlish to his grandchild. how is this perfectly normal? this child is being sworn at and is swearing in turn, using vulgar terms and now I can see where the whining of the younger comes from; definitely the [...]
surrounded by clutter, I am having a panic attack. I have done absolutely nothing today, and I have things to clean up. things to clean up and put away. phone calls to make and sedatives to take. no wait. I took one this a.m. after being unable to get back to sleep naturally after the daily [...]
as I sit here I believed much to be true about my life and my ability to live. after a day of tears, panic attacks, and having completed essentially nil (perhaps not realistically, perhaps a little bit), I have concluded once again on my daily inspection every now and then that I am still ill. [...]
everyone has their secrets. some people have many, or just one; of a grand scale, or just a tiny fragment of reality. sometimes I think, honestly now, that I have none. but that isn’t true at other times, at other times, my mind is wrought with decisions whether to mention this or that or whether [...]
it’s 8a.m. and my head is a bit clearer. three nights ago, I encountered a dangerous medley of naturalism and medical treachery. I fell asleep without my seroquel. [oh dear, what can the matter be . . .] as of the night after, I attempted to lower my dose to 75mg, as recommended by my doctor. [...]
here it is again. a night that comes as a relief from day; hectic journeys across the city, people fluttering about, all diluted by the waxing of the waning moon and too much caffeine. caffeine helps to drag me out of the sleepy haze I can live in hour to hour or day to day; [...]
here is my first post on here, I am anonymous, synonymous with nothingness. here I can write what I want and I will be blunt. . . here no one knows me but you. in february of 2007 I was labelled. I became an illness. I became stigmatized. this is not the point of my [...]