witchalicious

this may be my last post for an indeterminate amount of time as my source of computer-usage is being eliminated. I am going to be living alone once more. I have a job. today I have worked my first double-shift in two years. my legs and body and feet are killing me. I stuffed a frozen dinner in the oven, and ravenously ate a turkey sandwich before the dinner is even ready. my migraine ensues. I started to work in a clothing store. tediously tidy work, and ironically a girl who hates society is working with people. however I am fortunate because the position I have acquired is a lonely one. I work alone, well, usually. I’m assuming that during sidewalk sales and holidays there will be more people thus more employees, but whatever, it doesn’t matter. I have employment! yay. I have to admit though, my nerves are still jittery and if I work too many hours I get to having those I-thought-I-heard-something-but-it-wasn’t-really-there moments, like I’ll think someone’s coming in the store but no one’s there. [moves eyes eerily] yes, anyways. all I need now is to find a new place and move there and begin. [begin again] isn’t that always the way?//hmm. . . I’m waiting for my seroquel to kick in. it is almost midnight, the witching hour. . . god(dess) has truly blessed me; I have a wonderful opportunity to start fresh, to begin to have what I want, all while accepting my faults, my illness, and moving on, living on. I want to work, all this time I have, it’s just so hard to be held back by something out of your control, as well as being stuck with no life-support, financially, physically and/or emotionally, especially in dealing with relationships. I know I haven’t touched relationships much on here, but I think it’s important to say that no matter how safe or blessed you think you are in that department, especially as someone with an illness, mental or otherwise, you could very well come to the realization that what you have is an illusion. I hate to say that this has happened to me, [once again]. however, this time I have to say that I came out of this, like a butterfly from being a caterpillar in its cocoon. I became. that’s all I really can say to explain it. the worse my situation got, the more I bucked up and fought for stability, my life, and, most of all, and sadly, love. although, the only love I have is my own, in the end. I pray that my new appartment will be just as blessed as I have been through these latest events.